ILYM Winter Retreat: Non-Violent Communication

Author: Dawn Rubbert

 

Having been exposed to the principles of Non-Violent Communication and the work of Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, who created this method, I am looking forward to the retreat next weekend (Feb 20-22, 2009). I have learned enough about the principles to recognize that in order to use peaceful communication one must practice. The world in which we live does not generally support this kind of communication, it does not come naturally. Rather it must be cultivated and intentionally developed. One needs to practice so that skills will increase and come more easily with less thought as time goes on. Non-Violent Communication is sometimes called “Compassionate Communication”. It is one way to be proactively peaceful in our world. Language is more powerful than we tend to realize, especially on a daily level.

 

Just try getting through a day without using words that, in some context, refer to violence. I think, from my experience, that you will be amazed. Do you ride in elevators? What word do you use to tell someone what to do to the buttons? Perhaps you say something like “hit” seven for me . . .

 

Who has not encountered a situation where language separated them from someone else? Misunderstandings about what words mean? Surely you have heard the famous story about England and the United States being separated by a common language.

 

So, I am thrilled to have an opportunity to deepen my understanding, be with others who are learning, and have a safe Quaker “family” with whom I can practice. They say that practice makes perfect . . . We could all use a more perfect world and I must start/continue that venture by working on myself.

5 thoughts on “ILYM Winter Retreat: Non-Violent Communication

  1. Ten years ago, following his arrest for domestic battery (on me), my then-husband was able to negotiate a lesser charge in return for attending a Marshall Rosenberg seminar–held, as best I recall, on one or two Saturdays at Latin School in Chicago. Apparently “non-violent communication” equated to “anger management,” at least to one particular Ogle County, IL judge back in 1999.

    So, hey. I figure if it’s good enough for the Illinois Circuit Court, it’s good enough for me. Hope to see everyone there–with probation officers’ advance permission, of course!

  2. Ten years ago, following his arrest for domestic battery (on me), my then-husband was able to negotiate a lesser charge in return for attending a Marshall Rosenberg seminar–held, as best I recall, on one or two Saturdays at Latin School in Chicago. Apparently “non-violent communication” equated to “anger management,” at least to one particular Ogle County, IL judge back in 1999.

    So, hey. I figure if it’s good enough for the Illinois Circuit Court, it’s good enough for me. Hope to see everyone there–with probation officers’ advance permission, of course!

  3. I read Marshall Rosenberg’s book several years ago and wished I had been trained in nonviolent communication 35 years ago so that I could have modeled it for my husband and children. Like many of us, I grew up with poor role models for resolving conflict. I didn’t want to repeat my parents’ tactics but also didn’t know what to do differently.

    I personally don’t care whether words like “hit” or “strike” are used in more than one context. What is important to me is how we can communicate effectively and respectfully in the face of differences and rising emotions. Habits are difficult to change, particularly as we grow older, but imagine the ripple effects of dozens of Friends practicing and modeling nonviolent communication whenever conflicts arise among their workplaces, families, neighborhoods, and Meetings.

    So I’m excited about the potential for this weekend!

  4. Dear Friends,

    The first “Comment” about the Winter Retreat/NVC was written by me, Dawn Rubbert. I have no clue why I am not identified as others are. It was not my intention to be anonymous.

  5. I would also like to affirm the value of NVC training in my own life. Although I was busy watching the kids at the retreat most of the time, I had the opportunity to observe Myra Walden’s approach and was deeply impressed. I have received training from three other Marshall Rosenberg facilitators yet I found Myra’s sensitive spiritual style to be most effective. She is learning about Quakers for the first time since we are a new experience for her. I know that NVC has changed my perspective on communication and that I must practice continually to keep that change fresh in my life.

Leave a Reply to Patricia McMillen Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *